Having lived in a tent for weeks on end, I have come to appreciate porridge as one of the fundamental constants of the universe. As the camp cook, your life will be dominated by the big question of how to clean all that hideous gunk out of the Trangia. As the dog, you will wag your tail with glee when you hear the clatter of plates heralding Leftover Time. And as the doughty fellwalker, you will shortly discover that porridge is about to become the central defining cornerstone of your existence on the hill.

(Please don't laugh at me. Read on. You won't regret it!)

Before we delve into the blissful world of porridge, let's consider the other choices campers have for breakfast food.

1. Muesli. Cheap and cheerful, full of energy, but messy. And tastes gross without milk. 'Nuff said.

2. Tracker Bars. Come off it, these are the ubiquitous lunchtime snacks! Most people would die of boredom if they had to eat Tracker Bars for breakfast as well!

3. Full English breakfast. Okay, so it provides a nuclear reactor's worth of energy, but the person who has to wash up will want to kill you. Ever tried Reiter's dehydrated Fried Potatos And Bacon? Don't. You'll have to buy a new cooking pot afterwards.

4. Malt loaf. Far too good to be wasted on breakfast. Keep it for the other two meals!

5. Beer. Hm, good choice. Probably better for later in the day, though.

So it would appear that no other portable breakfast foods are entirely suitable for backpacking. Let us now examine the many and varied benefits of porridge ...

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1. Porridge has an extremely high carbohydrate content, which is just what you need at the start of a day in the mountains. Load up on porridge early in the morning and you won't feel so hungry later on.

2. Add honey or golden syrup (real luxury!) for a massive sugar boost. This will help to digest the porridge.

3. It's hot, so on cold days it warms you up and increases morale.

4. Porridge contains a lot of water, which helps to keep you hydrated.

5. There's something very satisfying in the ritual of waking up, groaning, opening the tent, firing up the stove, and cooking a luvverly pot of porridge first thing in the morning. It helps you to focus and gives you time to plan ahead for the day. Now imagine how sad and depressing your mornings would be if all you had to do was peel open a Tracker Bar. Porridge provides structure for the day!

6. If you're feeling greedy, you can add a little bit more oatmeal to the pot whenever you want. In fact this isn't such a bad idea, because there's always more left in the box than you think!

7. In dire circumstances, porridge can be eaten "raw" or substituted for other meals.

8. It doesn't go bad if it gets warm, damp, or squished (within reasonable limits, anyway).

9. It's readily available from the Barn Door Shop at Wasdale Head! In one-week-size boxes!

10. If you can provide me with details of another convenient form of breakfast food that offers this much energy for such a small pack space, and for such a low price, I will send you a certificate saying "ON (date), ALEX ADMITTED TO BEING PROVED WRONG!"

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I jest not: the consequences of running out of porridge can be dire. When I was trekking in the Lake District in May 2005, I lived off small sachets of Oat-So-Simple (cue groan). They weren't particularly large, but I had lots of them, and for many days I was happy.

I made the dalehead crossing from Langdale to Wasdale on the 11th of May, and was greatly looking forward to climbing some of the highest mountains in England. However, there was a dark cloud looming on the horizon, for that evening I returned to my tent to discover that ... gasp! ... I had run out of porridge!

My plan for the next day was to climb Illgill Head and Whin Rigg, two fells of modest height overlooking Wastwater. Having already climbed most of the fells in Langdale and Coniston, I was brashly confident that I'd knock off these two in no time at all. But all my hopes were shattered when I was forced to eat half a packet of dehydrated Pasta Carbonara for breakfast.

The climb to the ridge, short and only moderately steep, had me gasping for breath. I collapsed in the shade beneath the summit cairn, convinced the end was nigh. After eating a couple of flapjacks I finally found enough energy to walk on. As the sun sank into the west, ten miles further on, I crawled back to my tent and crashed out, totally zonked, bitterly cursing the cruel fate that had robbed me of my porridge.

The very first thing I did the next morning was to leap out of my tent, stride across the road to the Barn Door Shop just as it was opening, and make the most important purchase of my adult life: a box of Scott's Porridge Oats.

For the remaining five days of my stay at Wadale Head, I bounded up mountains full of energy and confidence, knocking off summits and generally having a hell of a good time. But I still remember that awful day of fear, doubt and hunger when I missed my porridge breakfast.

The motto of sensible fellwalkers everywhere: